Life Choices

It is inevitable that I will have to return to work someday. We have hopes and plans for our children that our current budget doesn't allow. Whatever route we choose for their education, they will eventually be in school all day, and if I am not working then I will be home alone. I anticipate that I will be very bored with it.

Some weeks I am eager to return to the working world. Some days I am overly weary of the subtle demands of being home all day with two small children. If we weren't home, the house wouldn't get as messy, and I wouldn't spend as much time cleaning it. Maybe I could even pay someone to clean it for me! If we weren't home, I wouldn't have to deal with the sibling arguments that seem to break out every time I leave the room. If we weren't home, I wouldn't have to constantly create activities and adventures to keep those little minds occupied and off of t.v. That is the way I sometimes think.

I expected Christmas break to be a complete disaster. Connor is a very hyperactive boy who becomes even more hyperactive when he is stuck inside all day due to cold weather. Laila, who is usually calm, becomes incredibly active when her brother is around. They run up and down the hall and up and down the stairs. They throw toys across the playroom and down the stairs. And they make so much noise. Non-stop noise. Silly goofy nonsense noises. And they laugh and squeal and yell and test my patience.

I expected to enter the New Year with a renewed interest in finding a job. I was hoping that would be the case, and that I would happily enter the workforce and solve all of our family's financial concerns (sort of, anyway).

But that is not how it happened. Christmas was fun. Christmas break was fun. My children were fun. There is nothing like listening to them laughing and playing together, or watching Laila mimic some silly gesture that her big brother does. I was glad to get them back into a routine this week, but I really enjoyed their company over the break.

So today the thought of returning to work makes me sad. Today I am dreaming up ideas that would allow me to work from home so that I can be with my kids as much as possible. Will I feel this way tomorrow? Who knows. But for now I am so thankful for the way my life is, and for the time I have with my children.